Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
