I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
