you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
