is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
