Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
