i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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