You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
