I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
