He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
