We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
