We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
