thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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