Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
