ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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