I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
