i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
