I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
