I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
