i was born a porn star she said
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize