dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
