What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he thought i was a dude.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
