sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
