Whod you bang
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize