I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think people are normalizing furries
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