see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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