roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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