WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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