Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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