well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize