I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
