I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
