Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
how drunk are you?
Several
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
