i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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