Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if only i could text you this smell
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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