Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
