i think my tv is drunk
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
