from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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