i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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