Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize