I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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