I hate your face
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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