I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
