is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
