I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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