dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
