I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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