hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize