You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
