Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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