In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
