I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this boner is exhausting
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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