Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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