It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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