Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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