Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
FUCK WHALES
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