just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
