Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
