I heard we made out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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