the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
