Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
