I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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