im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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