Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
