my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize