Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
