Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize