I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
