Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
