the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
