cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
