DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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