Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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