As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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