maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize