I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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