Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
