capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
