I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
