I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
