She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
