Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you traded sex for a burrito?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
