do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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