I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
