can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
