I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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