I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
