Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found your dick twin last night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
