I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
