We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
