Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
