I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
