im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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