after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
