can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
