Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
