why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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