Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize