i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
