if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
