I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
