they need to just BURY HIM!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
