went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
