Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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