The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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