I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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